What am I suppose to say (or think) about a guy who just doesn't seem to be willing (anymore) to see me again... There is a certain amount of stuff a guy can do relatively to his job (and life) before starting to be feeling a (even slightest remote) something toward the girl he were with for almost 2 months (that is, every freaking day!) I know what a break is but when it wasn't mentioned with the good-byes, it kinda hurts to see you're the only one who's dying on the other end of the line (to see that guy)
Because when I left what was said was...OK maybe it was an actual 'break', I agree to wait a bit until we would meet again...sucks but there was nothing I could do...weird thing, I know it wouldn't have happened otherwise (hence: happily continue our 'relationship' here and see each other more than often...that is just not me and how I work.) What I hate mostly right now, it's myself because I am sliping away from him, and he doesn't know (and maybe that's part of some plans of his...who knows?) There is a part of me, who is really fond of him still (and that's even if I looked like an ass in front of many of my friends, just jinxing the things off... bravo!) and the other part of me is saying, alright let's move on... at this moment it's like a 75-25% so until it gets the other way around I'm good to hold on to the thought (and fancy) that we will meet again...and hopefully really soon (just like he said...right!)
Is this it, I'm already starting that 'guy' problems thing even if I am still single... but maybe that's the only 'time' we get some...when we're single...oh well...
So now on and hold on to music like Karma Police (Radiohead), Pocketful of sunshine (Natasha Beddingfield) and many songs from Marley...yeah... reminiscence of those good ol' days this past summer...seems like such a long time ago... not even been a month yet... wow!
I wish I could have the choice, the opportunity of having another guy in my life just to make the other jealous... Yes, I am that cunning and bitch, I am such a bitch sometime...but doesn't it mean I love the guy??? I think so. I just have the feeling he takes me for granted (déjà vu), maybe he knows me better than I though...he just knows I will wait for him here and meanwhile he's having his fun...well, if that means he'll be back, I am ready to wait...
Doesn't it all leads to some psychological problems (for my part, that is) I must seek a shrink! WOW, at least I acknowledge this, it's not like me having problems to speak up my feelings (again, déjà vu)
Maybe if I would say everything that happened while in China, it would be clearer and you'll understand why I care, and am so much fond of the guy...
MC
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